If I Wrote for Lounge

This is what I would have written for Lounge around the time of Bumble's controversial anti-celibacy campaign back in May 2024.

First Date Sex on Trial: The Prosecution and Defence

Picture the scene: You’re on a first date. It’s going really well. A little too well. You don’t know if it’s the wine, the music or the electric sexual tension, but you’re feeling pretty hot. Drinks finished, bills paid, coats on, and you’re both awkwardly standing outside your home, each waiting for the other to make a move. Then, your date coyly asks to come in. What do you do?

It might be a very generalised example but this is a heatedly debated decision. First-date sex has been a continued topic of controversy since dating began. So just what is the big deal? Here at Lounge, we’re putting First Date Sex on trial. We’re going to explore the arguments for and against and try to get to the bottom of why the act of first-date sex is so divisive.

The Prosecution

Be it the sizzling chemistry or intoxicating spontaneity, jumping into bed with somebody after only just meeting them can land you in a sticky situation for a few major reasons.

You may have exchanged embarrassing tales from your youth or know each other’s dogs’ middle names but after a couple of hours, you still don’t know them. They could have offputting outlooks or dubious morals that clash with your own. Intimacy with essentially a stranger can, let’s be frank, just be really bad. Don’t expect to be unleashing screams of ecstasy — more like disgruntled mutterings under your breath as you scramble to put your clothes back on and get the hell outta there. Being alone with someone you don’t know, especially partaking in a vulnerable act like sex, is potentially dangerous. It might be an extreme scenario but it sadly does happen. Is your safety worth a first-date quickie? Getting to know someone is a safer route to getting your boots knocked.

Furthermore, Your Honour, first-date copulation can set a precedent that you’ll be happy to get down and dirty on all future dates. Your future willingness to participate can’t be predicted and could end in an awkward conversation. It can add a layer of complexity if you find sex to be an emotional act. Emotional ties might be formed only to be severed just as quickly when you realise that, after just one date, they don’t owe you anything. They’re not obliged to reciprocate your feelings and save you from self-inflicted heartbreak. Another reason to avoid doing the business could be that you just don’t want to. You should never feel pressured into doing something you’re not comfortable with and if your date is pressing the subject, that’s a big ol’ red flag. On the other hand, you might want to but maybe waiting for the experience and prolonging the sexual tension is a bit of you. Playing the long game can lead to a better, more comfortable first time. To achieve those feverish fireworks, first-date abstinence is key. Whilst you mull all those points over, let’s call our next witness.

The Defence

'Will the defendant please rise?' Newsflash, darlings, we’re in 2024. Getting freaky on a first date is not a crime and if it involves two (or more) consenting, respectful adults, what is the issue here? We’re only human and if you’re spending the entire date imagining what it would be like to rip their clothes off and lick squirty cream from their belly button, why not make it a reality? (But make sure they shower first.) Sex can be a great icebreaker, helping you bond and feel comfortable around each other. It is a complete myth that first-date sex dooms a budding relationship. Plenty of long-term couples simply couldn’t cage their desire for each other and dived in head-first, firing on all their sexy cylinders. 

First-date coitus is also convenient because it can be a real time saver. Obviously after taking into account that the first time is rarely revolutionary (look up ‘meh’ in the dictionary), you can normally get a taste of what their bedroom performance consists of, helping you to discover if they’re a good lover and if they match your freak. If you slot together like jigsaw pieces, then a first-date fondle can rocket-launch your relationship. However, if your dynamic is more square peg/round hole, then you have just saved yourself from all that tortuous, unnecessary anticipation. In our busy, modern world, sampling the goods early on to determine your compatibility is a smart move. Your time is precious; why waste it? Also, you could be sporting some sexy Lounge lingerie and want to show it off (we wouldn’t blame you).

The Verdict

Ultimately, only you can decide if first-date sex is right for you. The most important thing is to do whatever you're comfortable with, communicating your needs and practising safety and respect at all times. Well, the jury’s out and now Lounge throws this case over to you. If it honks your horn or gives you the ick, to bonk or not to bonk after date numero uno is a choice only you can make.

Love, Lounge x